so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
