My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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