You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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