Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
