You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
