Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
