On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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