I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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