I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
