After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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