You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
