u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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