this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
