You just made me feel so damn special
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
