five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
