i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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