true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
