It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
