I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
