her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
