there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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