i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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