dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
