nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
