if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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