I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
