C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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