i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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