watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
