I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
