My room smells like vodka and shame
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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