Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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