She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
