I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your like the ambassador to my penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
