people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
