I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
