I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
