do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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