I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
