He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
