i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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