dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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