im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
