Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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