You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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