I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
