if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
