Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
