Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
