Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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