Where did you get a picture of my penis
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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