Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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