We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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