I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
